I think it is safe to say that nobody could have prepared for what this year would bring. That March would dash every 2020 plan and our idea of ‘normal’ fell apart. While I don't intend to sugar coat it and butter it up to forget what it tasted like, I can see so much good that bloomed in such an uncertain time. The word I’ve bestowed upon my dear hot mess ‘2020’ is reset. It reminded me of the old Nintendo games when you accidentally brushed the reset button and there was this terrible howl that came from you and your siblings (especially the one that was winning). And as much as I was like that, pouting and kicking in early March it is now late December and I can be very thankful for the year as a whole. It is a feeling I have had for a few weeks but my dear friend Emy gave me just the right word. Truthfully this year has reset a lot of things. The world around me, what I found important, how I spent my time, what I do, how I do it. Frankly, I didn’t think that I needed any kind of reset in my life.
Nearing almost thirty, this entire year forced a joy maturity that I never saw coming. I expected that kind of maturity to come in a few years, once I had established myself and did whatever thirty-something-year-olds do. This year was an opportunity for me, a chance to jam a tiny pin needle at that little red ‘reset’ button on an electronic. Not because I was able to do everything I planned or had the motivation to do a million things at all. It made me realize some of the things I was doing, what was taking up my time, things that seemed SO important weren’t. It’s funny that it took a worldwide pandemic for me to realize many of those things but I’m thankful. It feels like there is this fresh start, after months of having to pause, to look inside myself and think. Life could have kept me busy and distracted but instead, it reset. In no way am I glad COVID happened but if I canceled this year, I would have missed out on a chance of growing.
Top 5 Images of 2020
Mother & Child
One of my missions this year was to photograph everyone in my friend circle. Photo-shoots are an expression of joy and unique quality time spent together. So I made it my mission to photograph my dear friend Eliza and her little baby Lucy. We forgot about the first time we planned and bumped it to the next week which I’m so happy we did! The light was so foggy and moody outside and flooded Eliza’s house with the most beautiful feeling. I have been heavily inspired by many ‘mother and child’ paintings throughout quarantine and was hoping to get a shot like this! The dress belonged to a neighbor and the piece of fabric was used for her veil! Lucy is also wrapped in a curtain!
What was going on behind the scenes: Eliza let me tear her living room to pieces. I moved the couch, the furniture, and everything else just to get in that corner. We had some Star Wars medieval music playing in that background for inspiration, a sea of dresses on the couch, and little miss Lucy was screaming her lungs out. But you know Eliza is one of those calm spirits, I didn’t feel stressed out one second. She rocked her little baby until her big blue eyes went to sleep and we were able to get this beloved shot!
A Quiet Bond
When I think of this day I think of the last light of Autumn. Withering berries stuffed in our pockets, mushrooms in our basket, chasing skirts, empty bird nests, and wildflowers tucked in braids. The woods were breathing with colorful leaves and sunlight, little Amelia wore a blue dress that fit perfect and the three of us hiked down to the field just for a creative. I’ve always been thankful for my photographer friends, little adventures like these fill the soul in a way that’s hard to describe. You’re free to have a different kind of fun and I was hoping to capture the bond between mother and daughter. It’s also my favorite that you can see Hilary’s tattoo on her wrist that reads ‘beloved’.
What was going on behind the scenes: Halfway down the hill to the field my camera DIED. My backup battery was left on my desk and let me tell you I was so upset about it! Especially when this blue dress fit Amelia so perfectly. It bummed me out so badly but thankfully Hilary let me use her camera for a few shots (I thought canon would be the same but no, I felt like I had no idea what I was doing haha). Growing on the edge of the field were these big bushels of weed flowers and I pulled some out to make a little flower cove for these two.
Daughters of the Moon
This. This is a dream image. One that has always existed in my head but never seemed like a reality. Each time I visit the beach, my mermaid self has to be in the water. There is never a chance to be creative and I don’t want to have to watch my camera if I bring it. This summer during a weekend trip with friends we were having dinner on the shore and I swore I WOULDN’T spoil dinner and try to shoot something. But then that big moon rolled in and I just happened to have dresses there with me and Molly, Maddie and Meryn were more than willing to abandon cheese for a little while so I could shoot it. The idea itself actually was inspired by a little joke we had going on the trip after one night swimming in the canal under the moon! It’s one of my favorites ever!
What was going on behind the scenes: A group of friends having a small beach dinner, boards of cheese, snacks, and goodies. Hundreds of jellyfish rolling up on shore, stinging the daylights out of everyone. The moonlit the water in silver waves and it was one of the most wonderful weekends there ever was.
Lady of the Lilies
Floating around with Maddie was a summer dream. Ever since I visited Ballenger Farm, I have been keeping my eyes on their beautiful ponds. So I’m so happy this was the year I got to do that finally! This is another image that speaks to my love of classical paintings. The only thing I miss about college is my incredible art history class. Every little detail had a meaning and an intention even when it looked so simple. I just love the way the light hits Maddie’s skin and how her hair lights up in little slivers and those lily pads! I have been obsessed with lily pads for way too long and just want to be a pond nymph wearing them as hats.
What was going on behind the scenes: Naughty goats trying to eat dresses, koi fish as big as my thigh cruising around and being terribly scary but surreal. Sweet Liz being her wonderful self and chattering ducks trying to figure out why us humans were scooting around in their pond.
Keeper of the Roses
Ever since my friend Emy moved into this old church with her little family I wanted to create something! When the sun streams through their big windows, it always hums with a different kind of light. A light that feels alive. This year was quiet, with no Verity Varee events to be had, a normally busy schedule at a quiet standstill. It left room for opportunities like this! Because usually, these kinds of ideas are on the back burner, saved for last because so many other things are going on! I forgot how much I love photographing Emy!
What was going on behind the scenes: Babies, little people screaming and the best dash of life chaos there probably is in a full house of 4. Baby Benjamin just wanted to eat, I moved Emy’s couch out from the living room and tore her house apart. We had different 15-minute windows chasing the golden light that streamed through their old church house. I hacked roses from her garden and used the thorns to keep them in place.
The Dress Room Tragedy
Ever since we moved into the cabin, it has been my goal to create a dress room. A place that would hold every dress I ever owned so when the fog rolled in I could leap down the stairs and snatch whatever I wanted off the hanger. I think it was on every new year’s resolution for the last five years or so. This January rolled around and I decided this was the year I finally got to scratch that goal off the list. With some inhuman motivation, I spent hours upon hours over the course of a few weeks gutting a small, dark, scary room in the basement. I would go down the stairs and spend the entire day there, emerging like Gollum out of his cave. Not knowing the time, the day, or what really went on. Continuously gutting, cleaning, figuring out a hanging situation, doing the tango with a mouse, and tucking insolation back into the wall. I worked with my dad to put up drywall (my arms are still broken from holding that ceiling drywall up) and worked and worked and worked to create a space where all my costumes and dresses could go! Moving mountains of dress piles and hanging up each and every dress I owned. It was as beautiful as a basement room could be but once full of dresses it was a magical little space! I was thrilled I could dash down the stairs and grab any dress I wanted without getting frustrated. It was a bliss that sadly only lasted a few months.
It was a nightmare of a day, my worse fear that came suddenly and without warning. A busted pipe in the wall left a sea of water that stretched from the garage door and across half of the entire basement. Can you guess where its path went? RIGHT THROUGH THAT DRESS ROOM. Every dress was wet at the hem, the ones that didn’t get hung were soaked. I watched my dad rip down the drywall, undoing all those hours of work searching for the leak. Honestly, it was an awful time, I can say part of me wanted to collect everything in a pile and burn it out in the backyard. I felt so defeated, so sad, done. Some dresses were ruined, others too wet to carry and there was nothing that could crush my spirit harder than that happening.
It might have seemed almost pointless, why did I try so hard and invest so much when it was destroyed at the end. Then some very kind messages came pouring in from social media, I visited my best friend who gave me a pot of coneflowers and a hug and I decided I’d try to look at the situation differently. If I hadn’t done all that work that flood would have happened anyway. If I hadn’t gotten organized and hung everyone up, ALL my dresses would have been ruined. That gave me a bit of my spitfire back to do what I needed to do. I cleaned those dresses, hung them outside on clotheslines, fixed what needed fixing, and somehow plotted and schemed for everyone to fit in the little loft upstairs. So yes a big goal that was completed and then dashed. I can say it wasn’t my founded 2020 memory but it did lead to something else……
LaRue’s Finds
That flood incident led to another dream, one that was also scribbled on a list year after year. I have always wanted to start ‘LaRue’s Finds’ but it never seemed to be the right time to do it! Over the years I had collected so many treasures, including vintage clothing that didn’t quite fit my photography style. But they were beautiful pieces, dresses, skirts and more that just couldn’t be left behind! I entertained the idea of pop up sales and even started looking into online shenanigans. I never felt organized enough until the flooding in the basement forced me to be ready! I had to somehow fit everything in a teeny tiny cabin loft. I don’t know how I end up doing three this year?! They just spontaneously happened, I never quite planned on doing anything like that so soon. But the opportunities came and I took them, figuring them out along the way. First with my dear friend Liz, then a tag sale hosted by @adailysomething, and then finally the Winter Market at Ballenger.
I can’t believe it took me this long but you know how everything has its timing? I felt GOLDEN LIGHT in my soul doing these sales. Meeting so many different people, watching them try on vintage clothing, and being so excited about it. It was sharing the love I have for something with others and watching them get to take magic and wear them in their daily life. Goodness, I can’t begin to tell you how fulfilling it was, I felt like a real-life fairy godmother! Not to mention I went from nearly eight bins of things down to two. There were a few times I would be wandering around going- where is my stuff? Where is this, where is that? Only to realize that MY GOSH I sold most of it! What a glorious feeling. This is a path I will most definitely be dancing barefoot on more this year. You can follow along on Instagram (@Laruesfinds) for pop up updates and an online launch for 2021!
This year I had the most unexpected dress adventure. Maybe 2020 is the year of the dresses, it seems like it! A Facebook marketplace ad led me to meet a very sweet older woman whose basement was filled with beautiful dresses. She’d owned a bridal shop for good while and collected so many unique pieces over the many years of her life. I got there hoping to find a few treasures and ended up taking the entire collection home with me. My entire CRV was filled to the ceiling with some of the most beautiful dresses ever and she was so kind as to give me her industrial racks that held them all. Needless to say, my collection keeps growing and growing and I’m going to have to come up with a new game plan for storing all these lovely dresses!
New Friends
Twin Fawns
The amount of dear friends I have met because of the internet or simply over the internet is a mind-boggling thing for me. You start out as strangers who enjoy the other’s work and then all of a sudden you’re sending each other LOTR memes and learning everything there is to know about the other. With the pandemic, I didn’t expect to make new friends this year. Truthfully, if I’m being honest pandemic or not, it takes me a while to make them. But I am glad that I got to become friends with this hobbit kindred. Maddy came to visit at one of the dress pop-ups after some back and forth messaging on Instagram and it was an INSTANT friendship. Something that is so rare for me. She makes beautiful dresses and launched her company Twin Fawns (which is how we got connected). We both have such a similar aesthetic and started collaborating on photos, dresses, and friendship alike. I live in her foxglove dress and for how kind she is.
The most difficult part of this year was losing my Papa. Although I am still processing and writing about this wonderful man and his impact- he is the reason why I ever began my love of art. He was a painter and encouraged me in a dozen different ways. Sitting and looking at every scribble I had in my sketchbook, giving me a warm smile at my paintings. My most recent visit we were talking about art school and had a good go ranting about what they put us through. I even started writing him a letter at the start of this year, talking about his impact on my creative life. It was a letter I didn’t get to finish or send before his passing but everything in it still holds true. I wrote about how powerful encouragement can be, even if it’s little and how that could shape someone from a young age. I watched him paint and tried it myself, explored different paths and mediums until I found what I loved. He had the funniest papa-like jokes and I wouldn’t be doing photography today if it weren’t for him.
Hilary Hyland Photography
The Last Hope, a self-portrait.
My favorite self-portrait this year was taken during the heavier part of this pandemic when things felt scary and unknown. My dear friend Liz sent me a bundle of flowers from Beeswing Farm and it brought me so much joy that I wanted to shoot something that would remind me of that. I have been able to cling to that foundational peace this year, trusting God, being grounded in a way that kept me from falling mostly on my face. It has been difficult mentally for many, I expected so much from myself and saw it more as ‘time off wasted’. I didn’t build what I wanted to, do what I hoped. But I realized I was being much too hard on myself, those months weren’t a time off, they were more of survival if anything. Trying to figure things out, carrying a heavyweight. It taught me a lot about myself and how thankful I am for the people I hold dear. I invested so much time out in my garden, growing and maintaining. The funny thing about flowers is, they always brave conditions. They are able to survive the frosts of early spring and the dead heat of summer. Spending weeks investing in their roots, making themselves strong.
Ballenger Farm
My home away from home this year seemed to be Ballenger Farm. Although I’ve been here many many times for different shoots, events, and visits. This was the year that I was there so much, coco the farm dog didn’t bark at me and instead gave me that ‘you again’ look. It first started with Verity Varee’s Winter Wellness dinner in early January. Followed by some warm summer days spent laying in the grass with Liz or mushroom hunting with Fiona. Then my first dress sale, a shoot with Maddie, more time watching Autumn roll in and the Winter Market! I could talk a lot about how much I love this farm and how much I have grown to be a part of my life. It really looks like a place from Pride and Prejudice and as Fiona and I go walking through the trails followed by goats and chickens, I’d see myself getting married here. But as lovely as everything is, as peaceful as those days are the most precious is the dear friend I was able to make because of it. My sweet wonderful friend Liz is nothing much golden light and encouragement. I am thankful to have gotten close with her this year, her friendship is so precious and needed I can’t begin to tell you how wonderful she is. You just have to meet her and you’ll know.
2021 Resolutions
1. Build that greenhouse
2. Launch LaRue Finds online shop
3. Rent photo-shoot dresses
4. Build an herb garden
5. Offer prints
6. Host a workshop
Thank you all for a wonderful year and supporting my work!
Love,
